My therapist told me

now is not the time to ‘deal’ with my promiscuity. You see, I offered her this idea: I’m not going to get laid anyway, so I could look at ‘these trying times’ as an opportunity to finally come to terms with my age, and just, well, stop. Makes sense doesn’t it? Well, we decided against it; that is I know from experience that I can’t stop doing anything, if I think an outside force (or voice) is telling me to; the impetus has to come from within. So I have been continuing to get laid, occasionally, and I thought you should know about it. No, not the details — well yes, the emotional details, not the sexual ones. (For the sexual ones you’ll have to try my next novel; it’s only fiction after all that tells the whole truth and nothing butt.) So I thought you should know what’s going on; you — wrapped up tight in your comforter, kitty in your lap, meditating on — what? Whether to call them ‘mutations’ or ‘variations’? Whether or not to 'double mask' (the CDC now recommends it)? Whether 6 or 8 feet (or more?) constitutes effective social distancing? Us horny ‘plebes,’ on the other hand, are doing things we would never have done before, getting ourselves into situations that are sometimes more than just awkward and absurd — all yearning for something that vaguely resembles what we used to call ‘sex.’ My roommate in Toronto is straight, and I woke up one night to a tremendous hullaballoo. It sounded like some woman was accusing him of rape. There was lots of yelling — and much talk of the police. I decided to remain in my room. The next morning I asked my friend what all the ruckus was about, and he said: "Oh she’s this artist I know, and she was in trouble with some guy, so I helped her out.” Apparently this young woman was horny and she made a Grindr date with a guy - who seemed nice on the app — and so she drove to all the way to Toronto from London to meet him. He started pressuring her to have sex right away, and she was saying things like “Let’s get to know each other first,” and he was saying “I want sex now!" and when she refused he threw her into the snow and locked the door. Then he got some friends to steal her car (I can’t quite remember the timeline here…) and when she banged on the door he texted her, saying he was going to kill her. As you can imagine, it wasn’t very pleasant. So she ran to my friend for help, and apparently while I was sleeping they talked it all out and the police came, and she told them what happened. And you can of course say that this is nothing more than an isolated incident; but I really don’t think so. I bet there are loads and loads of people trying to hook up in these ‘trying times,’ making dates with people they might normally not make dates with -- getting into situations they would never have gotten into before. All because of this lovely thing called COVID-19. I for instance, just got a message on one of the gay apps from some dude who’s into s/m and wants me to turn up at his apartment tomorrow night in full leather gear, and (oh Lord!) put on a ‘show.' (And I'd better be clear about the list of things I’m 'into,’ apparently!) I really don’t know if I can do this. It’s one of the reasons I’ve never been too fond of s/m. As a natural actor, and somewhat of a professional, or at least a dedicatee (I’m not saying I’m good, I’m saying I do act onstage occasionally) it just seems wrong to put on a ‘show’ for someone if we're not in a theatre. And basically he’s just a bottom who is angry at me because I’m not a top, and so he’s ordering me around just to punish me, I just know it. I can deal with that, but all I really want is a  little bit of kiss and nuzzle, a little bit of 'the game,' and yes, some you-know-what-sucking would be nice, just as a bonus. But I’m not sure if I’m ready to prepare the Oscar winning performance he seems to be expecting from me. So I’ll probably say no. But the crazy thing is that I’m actually considering saying yes. I  packed this rubber harness to take to Toronto just in case — in case what? In case I”m so friggin’ bored I decide to consent and put on a floor show for this crazy bugger. This is what COVID-19 has driven us to — me and —unfortunately -- that young woman who came down from London to get laid. By the way, I met her the next morning (she stayed overnight with us, to recover) and she just seemed so fragile. I tried to imagine her resisting this dumb asshole’s advances and —. Okay, what I’m trying to get across is this.  I’m so happy you like staying at home, but there are some of us who definitely don’t like it, and we can’t change that; it’s just the way we are. And the reason I’m telling you this is because I think there are lots of people who are soon to put themselves in danger -- if they have not already --  or at least put themselves through some tremendously embarrassing inconvenience, just because they’re horny as hell and can’t take it anymore. Because (newsflash!) not everyone has a monogamous partner they have sex with, or even wants one — but still, we like to get laid. I know that is depressing and horrifying to many, but it happens to be true. We are the sad detritus of COVID-19 — and even though we were considered trash before, at least back then we had systems for getting our sexual needs fulfilled without getting into endless trouble. The truth is I just don’t like going to other gay men’s apartments. I haven’t done that — or wanted to — for more than twenty years. And here I am wandering all over gaytown thinking that it's very much a myth really -- I mean the idea that all fags are actual or wannabe interior decorators. If you’d seen some of their apartments, you’d know what I mean. One of them, I swear — his furniture was wrapped in plastic, like a grandma. It was like he’d decided to put a condom on the couch. I wanted to say to him -- sure buddy, I get it, you can never can be too careful. But on the other hand, you only have one life, so why not live it as a blonde? I’ve been living life 'as a blonde' for years and I highly recommend it — sure we blondes laugh too hard and too long, and our mouths are  open way too wide, and filled with far too many gleaming teeth. But Jesus Christ we have some fun.