We were always

suspicious of parties. And for good reason; they often involve mingling and we all know what that leads to — a dangerous exposure to people we were really never intended to meet. Torontonians have decided  there is something about the dreaded lockdown that we quite like. It suits us. We hope it will never go away. It’s a challenge, after all, maintaining the ‘lifestyle’ necessary to support a million dollar condo. To do so, we must necessarily work — and very very hard. But we have always been hard workers — work is a virtue; only good can come of it. Many of us are descended from New England United Empire Loyalist stock — most all of us, at any rate, came here to escape disorder, decay, disarray, random associations, the irrational, the unmentionable, the frankly wrong. Toronto is a good city. That is why it was once labelled ‘Toronto the Good,’  It will get better every day. People mask everywhere — in cars, bicycles and and on street corners — such a joy to see! There is something about masks that is comforting and right. Not only is masking important, but remember Robert Frost’s New England dictum: ’good fences make good neighbours?’ No one said it better than that. A mask decrees: ‘We certainly are required to live in this world together -- but we do not necessarily desire it, nor do we wish necessarily, to be ‘intimate’ with each other. In fact, I am quite happy if we are not. Each of us must stay in our own little world. After all, exposure to that which is different — or even more alarmingly -- to what is radical and upsetting — is something we do not wish for, or want!' A mask says ‘stay away’ in a kind, and respectful way. Masks are courteous, polite, and part of a gentleman’s agreement that we not only will be apart, but we want to be. This suits Torontonians to a 'tee'. That there once were wild parties  — orgies even (! apparently, I have only really heard of them) — and people mixed willy-nilly and God forbid swapped sweat, and infected droplets, and God knows what else — for no apparent reason really, except to propagate disease — well we don’t do that now. We are not only suspicious of parties; we are cautious about fun in general. Sports are a different beast; they celebrate excellence, require work, and encourage speech only among the 'team.' There is such a thing as decadence — it destroyed the Roman Empire. And there are temptations--  in bars and restaurants -- and even really in anything that is loosely described as ‘fun.'' Humans are weak. Behind our masks, in our homes, we are strong,  nodding to fellow humans on our way to work,  socializing only within our families. This is the way -- dare I say it -- God meant us to be?  Perhaps we got sick because we went beyond home and family? And it is hardly a co-incidence that the family — more than any other social construct —  happens to deliver capitalism with unparalleled efficiency. And what's so wrong about that? There is of course one problem, one fly in the ointment, one testy irritation, a feeling that gnaws at us, like a canker — but we know it is not in any way that serious. (A tiny doubt.) It must surely disappear. For now and then our eye happens to settle on one of the 'unfortunates,' one of the opioid addicted, the mentally ill — one of the lost, the irascibly poor, who is a kind of blazon of failure, a symbol of all that does not work,  a reminder of what happens when life fails us and we fail it, too. The unfortunates seem everywhere right now. They crowd the streets; those who have fallen through the cracks. We feel pity for them of course. But we must not let the very sight of them erase our confidence in masks — for perhaps the unfortunates will follow our sterling example. At any rate vaccine passports will  likely keep the away from us; we will be unlikely to bump into an unfortunate by accident. There will in fact be no more accidents — Toronto will become what it has always meant to be, relentlessly middle-class, a kind of haven for those people who wish to lead unblemished and carefree lives, unvarnished by the kind of brutal intrusive exhibitions that some carelessly call ‘reality.'  A salient danger is FOMO — ‘fear of missing out’ — it does not strike many, but it does have a sting. We, however, the fortunate, the masked, are missing nothing -- only illness an death, which we are quite happy to avoid, and which the dreaded anti-vaxxers are now courting with their unGodly ways. Who says we hate pleasure? Nothing brings us more pleasure than working, and being considerate, thoughtful and kind. It's true that  in the past fun might have meant meeting a young man half our age on St. Catherine Street in Montreal. A handsome young man who used to work as a coat-check boy at a strip club, one who you were immediately fond of,  but you didn’t know why, perhaps only because he read books and liked to chat with you. You met him, by chance -- and then what happened? He appeared to be taking stock of your physical appearance -- because you were wearing, well, not very much, as it was still summer. And to top it all off, he also appeared to be flirting with you! Was it possible -- you wondered -- at your late age, to still be flirted with? Then he invited you to a masquerade party at a bar called Cabaret Expose. Cabaret Expose— the very epitome of decadence, of ‘fun’ — one can’t even venture to imagine what might go on there. At any rate, I think you get the picture. This is what some of your might think you are missing, only because it is representative of the kind of regrettable incident that did take place in the past. But think for a minute, really. Think about the rewards of being a present day Torontonian. You have meaningful work that sustains your condo. You know why you are here. Your relationships with others are firmly circled by barriers that clearly say 'do not cross any boundary I set without permission!' Most of all, the class system is firmly in place -- and getting stronger every day! To call this bliss is perhaps a hyperbole — and inappropriate — as bliss suggests mental impairment of a drugged sort; or even loss of control. Let’s call it contentment. Yes, let’s just leave it at that.

The New Normal

1. If you are a disabled person you will have to stand up. There are no seats anymore for the disabled. They increase COVID-19 infection.

2. The people behind the counter at Starbucks will all be fat, and will have green hair (sometimes blue).

3. When you go to buy something, if you are wearing a mask, they will ask you to speak louder. When you do, they will say “There’s no need to shout!”

4. You will lose many friends. Some will hate you because you don’t follow the same COVID-19 rules they do. Some will commit suicide due to mental illness, exacerbated by COVID-19. Others will die of opioid abuse. It is better that you do not talk about these  deaths as they are not as important as deaths from COVID-19.

5. Anit-vaxxers should be denied entry anywhere — and they should be forced to be vaccinated. YOU MUST HATE THEM. They of course should not be treated by hospitals, and it really would be better if somebody shot them.

6. Everything the government says is true. If you challenge the government, you are evil.

7.  No illness is as important as COVID-19.

8. If your aunt or uncle dies of cancer — because there were no hospital beds due to COVID-19  --  it’s better if you don't talk about that either.

9. Nothing is anybody’s fault.

!0. No worries!

Dear Kaitlin,

Alright, I’ll say it. I’ve had it with these anti-vaxxers. I really have. I think they’re horrible. They make me want to spit nails. They are killing people. I give you full permission to hate them, I certainly do. I mean how could anyone be so stupid? Chloe was going on about ‘don’t be so hateful’ —  she brought up something that Marjorie Taylor Greene (can you believe it?) said about the government being Nazism. Well, hating anti-vaxxers is about hating killers. Period. The Jews didn’t kill anybody, so they didn’t deserve to be gassed. But when it comes to anti-vaxxers — Jesus! They are threatening the lives of our children. No —  they are killing children! Innocent children are dying because of these freaks! So it’s okay to hate them. There are some people who deserve to be hated, because they are evil, and anti-paxxers are evil. That said, I am so glad we’re finally going to get our vaccine passports in Ontario. I love it, I really do. Oh yes, when Ford finally came around Chloe made another genius comment. She started talking about her brother George, — you know the one who’s very dyslexic? “George will not be able to manage a vaccine passport, he will be exiled from society!" Dear me. (I’m not sure that’s such a terribly bad thing!) First of all I pointed out to Chloe that George has always been ‘exiled from society.’ He’s never been able to function like a normal person. Chloe said: ‘this just makes it worse.’ I don’t see how. The point is this: any who can’t figure out how to put a vaccine passport on their phone deserves to stay home. And if they don’t have a phone, well spare me -- I mean, in this day and age? So some restaurants have been doing this whole passport thing — that is they are requiring proof of vaccination in order to eat there. I just adore it. Really, it’s like a breath of fresh air. Let’s face it, people who are doubly vaccinated are my kind of people. I mean they are actually people, unlike anti-vaxxers, who are no better than animals. It’s so nice to go to a restaurant and be surrounded by the kind of people I feel comfortable with. You know, well-dressed, highly-functioning, highly-articulate thoughtful people. But you know, I must say the thing that really makes me happy about eating among the ‘well vaccinated’ is that I don’t want to be around anyone who is stupid or hateful or dysfunctional enough not to get the vaccine. These days when I go to a restaurant I know that the people sitting around me are like minded. I am among friends. I’m sure I’ll make a lot more friends when I go out dining — I won’t be afraid to talk to people because everyone there will be of — well a certain level of intelligence and discernment — don’t you think? Anyway I can’t tell you how happy I am with the direction in which society is turning. I mean we’ve all known for a while, haven’t we, that there is another class of people, who surround us, and who lately, have been trying to sneak themselves into the ‘club’--  that is the club of polite society where the real people like you and me hang out? Have you felt it? I have. I mean there are people who still use the n-word — yes believe me they do exist! And then there are the people who don’t understand transgender people. I am deeply sympathetic with transgender people. The fact that Chloe’s son used to be her daughter, we all accept that. But all Chloe does is complain about it. Really sometimes I don’t know if we should stay friends with her. She has been double-vaccinated and is super scrupulous about masks, but she has actually said that if a booster comes she won’t take it! (She says she’s tired of being vaccinated, can you imagine?). I say if she doesn’t get the booster we just cut her. I mean why should we put our lives in danger? Anyway Chloe can only complain about Sylvan, when she should be happy that he has found his true self. She’s all worried that Sylvan’s  going to regret not having breasts and having a period. As for breasts — well all women know that when it comes to breasts it’s men who are fond of them, not us, and when it comes to menstruation I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Anyway I don’t want to be around people who are not kind and gentle and loving — and that’s who you and I are. We open our hearts to people of colour, I mean I won’t go to a party any more that’s all white people. When Harper was having a party two weeks ago I just asked her straight up, will there be any people of colour there? She treated my like I was crazy. As you know, I didn’t go. Should I have gone? I mean I’m glad I didn’t go, but you did — and I certainly don’t blame you for that, I would never blame you for anything. I just wondered, was it the usual Harper debacle or was it any fun at all? Apparently her young nephew was there — the doctor? Is he as handsome as people say -- as good-looking as in his Facebook photos? I can’t imagine why he wouldn’t be. Anyway, I am assiduous, not only about vaccines, and masks, and distancing, but about acceptance of all people no matter who they are or what their sexuality is. I just love people! And I’m privileged to live in a world that has become so enlightened, kind and accepting. Oh one more thing about Chloe. She’s sleeping with somebody again. I think it’s that itinerate musical character? Hank? She thinks he’s some sort of genius, I don’t know, but is that an excuse for being promiscuous? Chloe pretends to be so innocent but really honestly I think she’s slept with more men then I have. I mean I certainly had my share of fun after the divorce, but when it comes down to it, if you count them, well there isn’t much to count. Not that I’m judging. I’m thinking about Chloe’s welfare that’s all. That’s all I do -- think about other people’s welfare. I sometimes think I’m kind of a saint, or trying too hard to be one. Except when it comes to anti-vaxxers, then I have to admit I lose my cool. I think they should all be shot.
                    Don’t be a stranger
                    (and hugs — now that we can do them!)
                                Luna