Expect More Suicides

"I know that fate is harsh, but I am loathe to accept this." - Hillar Liitoja

Please do understand, that if you are an older artist; the time is ripe for suicide. 

For, what do we have to live for? 

It has been made clear to us countless times, through social media — never mind the exclamations of arts councils and younger artists — that not only are we no longer necessary — but what we have viewed as our ‘contributions’ must not only be ignored, but erased.

You may think you know what is like to be told, in your ‘declining years’ that you are responsible— not only for your own decline — but for the present decline of the world. What about being told that you are not merely to blame for climate change, economic decline, and the rise of dictatorships, but also for what is perceived as a present day all-pervasive and toxic moral decadence? 

We are told now that everything we stood for (i.e.’beauty’ and ‘aesthetic excellence’) are not values, but corrupt and inhumane signifiers of evil. 

Older creators are told that the scandalous ideas and images that were (at one time!) debated, in our plays, poems and novels, in our dances, paintings, videos, music, have been the cause of pain and hurt on the part of the young.

The result is that in Canada we have seen the suicide of artists like R.M. Vaughan and Brent Carver (to name only two). Recently the world has seen the death of Sinead O’Connor — as yet unexplained — who described herself, after the recent tragedy of her son's suicide, as a kind of ‘undead night creature.’

Of course they may have have been victims of a mental illness.

But what of the reasons they were able to stay alive for so long was that they had thought that their creative lives meant something!

We, as older artists have (of necessity!) spent years wrapping ourselves around inspiration, fighting  to understand the strange, often repellant machinations of our own inner selves.

We have confronted our demons, and others have — as a kind of side effect —  had the opportunity to glimpse their own personal darkness through us.

For many artists, taking a fearful look ‘inside’ is the only way for us to deal with our own propensity to spiral. And those personal explorations have lead to some kind of relief — or at least a kind of level of psychological subsistence that allowed us to ‘keep on going.’

No more.

Today the suicides of elder artists will be welcomed by some (if not many!) of the young.

It is a harsh fact.

For many years, young artists have been yelling at us: "Your time is up!" And, If elder artists  commit the crime of continuing to create, it is seen as an obstacle to the young.

"How can we move ahead?" they say"‘with you ancient, privileged ‘keepers of the keys' guarding the gates?"

Younger artists want us dead. They secretly (and now publicly) rejoice at our demise; it is not only death of the old order (many say, the old ‘fascistic order’) but the possibility of new doors opening for the young, and a new life too.

Who could resist?

Perhaps it is our fate; it is after all, an acknowledged truism that  the old must move aside for the young.

And if so, we are fulfilling the destiny of art by taking our own lives.

If only we were sure that the young still know what art is.

And remember; in the past, when we moved aside, there was talk of learning from history, of  artistic legacy, respect, and of lives well lived.

No more. 

I would love to take this opportunity to appeal to older artists to stop taking their lives.

But hopefully you can understand the lack of success — at this point — that such an appeal might have.

The damage has been done.

I know from a conversation I had with an older artist of my acquaintance who recently committed a kind of ‘slow suicide,’ that it was more than just neglect (I decline to reveal his name because I think some have not yet come to terms with his suicide) — it was the abolishment of all the values he held dear as a creator (moral ambiguity, exploration of his own subconscious, and generous confession of his own most spiritually frightening impulses through his work ) that led to him finally admit to me — one overcast, post-Covid — late spring day “I have no more reason to live.”

As long as we continue to attack art and artists, and to be suspicious of those who question ideology, but instead worship beauty — our elder artists will continue to lose their will to live.

So, sadly:

Expect more suicides.

Second Interview with Sky Gilbert

INT. Do you still go to theatre, Sky? I know you’re retired now —

SKY.  Oh I hate that word. And yes I do go to theatre, all the time. Even though most of the theatre I see is absolutely appalling.

INT. What exactly do you mean by appalling

SKY. Not excellent.

INT. And what does that mean?

SKY. Well I’ll tell you about a recent experience I had at Coal Mine Theatre. I cried.

INT. What production was it?

SKY. The Effect, by Lucy Prebble.

INT. So. The play was so deeply moving, that it made you —

SKY. The play did not make me cry. I LOVED it though. Act two was actually scary and brought up a paradox — and I love paradoxes (they are the essence of life!) the idea that depression is toxic, but taking anti-depressive drugs is perhaps a denial of the reality of the experience of living. Fascinating. Then the two leading characters got into a freaky fight that was again actually scary — and very upsetting, as it was a man and woman physically fighting. Wow. 

The only thing I didn’t like was that what was advertised was (i.e. a warning — but we all know theatre warnings are really advertisements) nudity — but all the actors were wearing spanks for the sex scenes. Spanks!  There was no nudity whatsoever! Would you ever have sex in a pair of spanks? I mean spanks are tragically misnamed because you can’t spank anyone in them, that is, properly. That is, make their butt red —

INT. We seem to have strayed off-topic Sky — and again are mired in sex and sexuality.

SKY. Mired, but why —

INT. I’m just trying to keep you on track.

SKY. Okay. What was the track. I’m old, I’m retired, I forgot.

INT. What made you cry at Coal Mine Theatre, if it was not the play.

SKY. Ted Dykstra. Ted Dykstra made me cry, when he talked about the end of Coal Mine Theatre. 

INT. And why did you cry?

SKY. I can’t stand to see it go. It’s my favourite theatre in Toronto. Everything I see there is fascinating and complex, and controversial, and dangerous and upsetting and fraught and doesn’t make me comfortable. I love that.

INT. What did Ted Dykstra say?

SKY. Well you know when Coal Mine started up I was kind of perturbed by their 'anti-government funding' stance. They seemed to be proudly saying — we don’t get government funding. I didn’t realize at the time what government funding would turn into.

INT. Fascinating. What has it turned into? That is — in your opinion —

SKY. In my humble opinion. But it’s not humble (I think it’s quite a brilliant opinion, because it’s mine!) you see I was a part of this mess. I'm ashamed now. I was a part of the mechanism which has become present day aesthetic political correctness. But I was bullied into by the arts councils. I figured out at some point that if I said on grant applications that my plays were about human beings, or the massive paradoxes of life or — God forgive me — about how awful people are, generally, I wouldn’t get an arts council grant. I had to say that the plays were ‘gay’ plays and advanced the ‘Gay Agenda’ (by the way, run do not walk to see the new Blake and Clay -- their second show is also fabbie-do — and it's shocking to me that Buddies in Bad Times won’t produce it!). But after seeing my supposedly gay plays, audience members would come up to me and ask me why I hated gay men so much -- because the gay men in my plays were such horrible, vile creatures. And I would say — 'well everyone is horrible and vile, including me, and that’s what makes a good play!' Anyway, I lied in the grant applications and pretended my plays were ‘political’ in the sense of being  evidently gay positive. They certainly weren’t political in that way. So now Ted Dykstra says Coal Mine can’t get grants, even if they want them, because some dumb arts council executive (getting paid far more than Ted Dykstra, I’m sure) told him that ‘excellence is not a mandate.’ To counter the idiot arts council executive I would say art is not longer excellent, that present day art has become a preachy, boring ideological tract — and this repulsive fact is going to destroy art.

INT. I’ve always wondered — dare I ask you — why do you have so many strong opinions Sky?

SKY. I’m an American. I was born a gay American. It’s caused me lots of trouble.

INT. Are all Americans innately…argumentative?

SKY. All Americans are loud, fat, stupid, pigheaded. and fundamentally puritan. This is one of those stereotypes that just happens to be true. The problem with America is that it was settled by puritans. They also came up here and settled in Ontario, which is why we have Doug Ford, and no strip clubs in Toronto anymore (or maybe, five, not counting FLASH) and why we have the very anal Ontario Arts Council and all these horrible rich people running in and out of their condos while the poor defecate on the streets.

INT. Aren't you being a little hard on Americans?

SKY. No. Puritans were the outcasts of British society in the 1500s -- yes they ran the place for a while and got rid of theatre (puritans are running Toronto theatre again now) -- that's why so many of them took their hair shirts with them and escaped to the future states of Virginia and Massachusetts. Americans are certifiably nuts. Have you watched what’s going on down there? It’s the fall. It’s the end of America. Which is probably a good thing.

INT. Well Sky we don’t have time to talk about the fall of America. I’m afraid your time is up.

SKY. Oh, are you my therapist?  Or are you, perhaps, an Ontario Arts council grants advisor in disguise?

INT. I hope not.

SKY. I hope not too. I have a therapist, and contrary to what my partner thinks, she’s doing a great job.

INT. I think we’ll leave it there for now. Thanks Sky.

SKY. You are eternally welcome!

An Interview with Sky Gilbert

INTRODUCTION. We were able to capture an interview with the illusive Sky Gilbert. We haven’t heard from him awhile —apparently he has been teaching at the University of Guelph for twenty-five years, and duly forgotten by everyone, despite his publication of a few little-noticed novels and poetry collections. It didn’t help that Gilbert was effectively ‘cancelled’ by Buddies in Bad Times Theatre — the theatre he co-founded— so many years ago. Thus Gilbert’s only real claim to fame was effectively erased. We caught up with him in his Hamilton home. 

INT. So, Sky great to see you! You look fantastic for — how old are you?

SKY. Seventy-one this year.

INT. Seventy-one! How time flies...

SKY. When you’re having fun!

INT. So Sky, why have you been hiding all these years.

SKY. I don’t think you can really call it hiding when no one has been looking for you.

INT. Now Sky. Aren’t you being a little harsh?

SKY. I don’t think so. I’m surprised even that anyone would want to do an interview with me, after all I am not only old, but old news.

INT. Well part of the interest has been in finding out what might have happened to someone who -- when he was young, was such a crusader for well —

SKY. You can say it — sex.

INT. I didn’t want to —

SKY. Why not? Say it. Sex sex sex. Yes. My life is all about sex.

INT. But surely now—

SKY. I’ve slowed down a little bit. But I’m still pretty obsessed with it.

INT. What is it about sex that interests you so much?

SKY. I’m a pervert. That’s what Sue Golding told many years ago when she was President of Buddies in Bad Times Theatre. “You love sex, it’s a primary interest in your life, you are therefore officially a pervert.” Ever since she informed me of that, I’ve identified that way and I’m very grateful to her for the insight.

INT. What’s Sue Golding up to these days?

SKY. Dr. Johnny Golding is a Professor of Philosophy & Fine Art at the Royal College of London.

INT. So he is now a trans person?

SKY. No. Johnny is a lesbian. I’m pretty sure Johnny will always be a woman and a lesbian. She is a woman with man’s name. It’s concept that people might have hard time getting their minds around — these days,

INT. To cut to the quick, what are you up to now, Sky?

SKY. I’m writing and producing plays as always.

INT. I wonder why we haven’t heard about them.

SKY. I don’t think people are very interested, these days, in what perverts have to say.

INT. Do you have to call yourself that? I mean, really Sky.

SKY. Really, what.

INT. It’s so unflattering.

SKY. But it’s the truth. (Pause) I mean, perhaps I am being disingenuous here. To suggest that I am forgotten also suggests that there is a reason to remember me. I don’t know if there is. But I can speak eloquently on this topic in relationship to Hillar Liitoja.

INT. Who?

SKY. Ah, yes -- a revealing response. “Who?” He was one of the most singular Canadian writer-directors of the theatre, a visionary of the highest order — and he recently died. 

INT. Again, why haven’t we heard of him? 

SKY. I think, in Hillar’s case it has to do with the general rejection of the concept of history. As one of my friends says, Hillar was made for cancelling. He was a narcissist, an individualist, and a genius. And he cared only for beauty.

INT. Ahh I see, male beauty, like you?

SKY. Hillar was bisexual. And he was particularly obsessed with artificial beauty, that is the beauty created by the artist.

INT. And you say we have forgotten Hillar because we have forgotten history.

SKY. Yes, we live in a youth centric society. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t necessary think that the old should be automatically revered, but they should not be automatically forgotten. Hillar was a flawed human being (and those who criticize artists for being flawed human beings are apparently not at all flawed themselves!). But he created —what Adorno would call — ‘other worlds.’ Hillar’s work did not teach; It only inspired. It did not create exemplary lives or imitate real ones. Like Shakespeare, Hillar created other worlds that we are meant to compare our own lives to, but not model our lives upon.

INT. Hillar. Shakespeare. That’s putting him in quite high estimation.

SKY. He was brilliant, and his work influenced so many people, and changed so many lives. So many people loved this ‘narcissist’ — and only because he loved beauty. But we don’t love people who love beauty anymore. Because we don’t love beauty.

INT. Well, you certainly said a mouthful Sky. I’m sorry I don’t have longer to talk to you.

Maybe I’ll interview you again sometime —

SKY. If you have time in the next 10 or 20 years, but I wouldn’t worry about it. I’ll probably be dead.

INT. Now Sky, there you go again. Aren’ t you the Mary Contrary.

SKY. Talk to you soon.

INT. Do I detect a hint of sarcasm?

EPILOGUE. There was no answer. This was a zoom interview -- and Sky -- who had invited me to the meeting -- ended it. I guess we will know what Sky meant by ‘artificial beauty’ or why he is so obsessed with Hillar Liitoja’s death. 

Well.

Sky can’t say that we didn’t at least, try.