I was
actually kinda excited to see New Day – CNN’s
latest brand of morning show. It’s an integral part of the new look that Jeff
Zucker has brought to CNN in the last few months – all in an effort to boost
falling ratings.
But I’m
afraid I find the show almost too upsetting
to watch.
I was
born in the United States of America. This means I enjoy a little entertainment
now and then, and that I’m addicted to CNN. American news is usually more
entertaining than Canadian news (though CNN did recently hire Canada’s George Stroumboulopoulos
to do a Friday night interview show). However,
I may permanently shift back to Heather Hiscox in the mornings. She’s just so
damn capable and perky! And the new anchors on CNN mornings -- Chris Cuomo,
Kate Bolduan and Michaela Pereira are just so
damn depressing.
Let me
explain.
This
wholesome, gruesome, threesome pretty well embodies everything that’s wrong
with the United States of America.
You
just have to look at them situated at the morning news desk. There’s Kate and
Chris, shoulder to shoulder, looking like the most perfect, gorgeous
heterosexual couple you have ever seen. My mother once asked me – (referring to
Anderson Cooper) -- “Can a man be too
attractive?” However I think the same question might quite appropriately be
asked of Cuomo. Are such thick biceps, perky tits and juicy lips absolutely necessary for a morning news
anchor? And Kate Bolduan rivals any of the Fox News Come-Do-Me anchors, with
her pulsing red cheekbones and flawless blonde hair. And there, beside them (….well
sorta) is Michaela Pereira.
Michaela,
in case you haven’t heard, is the Hispanic member of the news team. If her name
didn’t sufficiently announce her otherness, then her appearance would do the
job. As lush and brunette as Kate Bolduan is slender and blonde, she represents
the ‘rest of America.’ Jeff Zucker obviously wanted us all to know that New Day is not just a show for white
people. No, no no, it’s inclusive.
Yeah, well, if CNN is so inclusive then why is poor Michaela sitting all by
herself? I know this just sounds like I’m being picky. But the whole setup is kinda odd. And it suggests a certain
privilege. Pretty and white, Kate and Chris are the real news anchors -- the ones in charge -- and Michaela is (their
somewhat overflowingly bodacious assistant) sitting…over there.
I think
one of the reasons this pisses me off is that I remember the previous CNN
morning show Starting Point, starring
Soledad O’Brien. Damn but I loved that
show. Back then, Soledad O’Brien was a somewhat daring, politically correct
choice. CNN was getting their foot wet in thrilling waters of ‘otherness,’ offering audiences a news anchor
who was both Irish and Hispanic. But Soledad O’Brien didn’t sit over in the corner;
she was actually in charge. I just loved to see her eat Republican congressmen
alive. She was always at her best when confronting old, dumb, ugly
conservatives (like John Sununu) with their own blatant lies.
But now
must be content with poor Michaela Peraira, who – God bless her – was recently
permitted an introductory feature on New
Day in which she extolled her own kindness -- playing touch football with
the ‘poor kids’ and reminding us ‘I was a poor kid once too.’
Awwwww…
This is
what is wrong with the United States of America. They will never stop patting
themselves on the back for electing an African-American president, while real queers, Hispanics, blacks, and
anyone else who else isn’t straight, white and pretty, loses out on all the
fame, money and privilege.
Of
course, those of us who are ‘different’ do
get a place at the table.
That
place is just…over there…somewhere.
With
Michaela Peraira.
