This is not a conspiracy theory but

 one can’t help wondering. When AIDS first appeared it was said to attack Haitians, homosexuals and drug addicts, a triumvirate that might be considered unsavory, at best, by most ‘right thinking’ individuals. But then the task of trying to decide who might set out to kill three such disparate groups was certainly beyond my own — and others’ - skill set. The extinction of these three constituencies would certainly have been considered desirable by many of those who, in contrast, are usually considered savory  — i.e. non-drug addicts, non-Haitians and heterosexuals. I gave up trying to figure that out. But I don’t want to give up on COVID-19. This, our latest ‘human catastrophe,’ clearly favors mega-corporations over small family owned businesses. But why in heavens name would a conspiracy favor one over the other? Surely family owned business are no threat to Google? But now, alas, it appears small businesses must go. And row it has been decreed that we must forever live our lives online. This, again serves Google. (But, really, are we going to blame Google for everything?) It gets more complicated when we realize that the activities that have been temporarily or perhaps permanently exiled from the human condition include singing, laughing loudly, and shouting — because of course these things spread germs. (There’s no doubt about that, because we have seen those germs in virtual graphic re-creations on news shows.) Then, to speak frankly (and you know I will), for those of us who enjoy our sex outside of marriage, well, we must give that up too, if for no other reason than most of the people you have sex with (if you are a slut like me) are people who only do it occasionally, and you are just lucky to get them on a bad night when they had a spat with their significant other. And if you knock off the market all germaphobes, hypochondriacs, and the sexual obsessives who were having sex not because they wanted to but because they felt obligated — and then you get rid of well, the human sheep (i.e. people who always do what everyone else does) —  then there is simply no one left to screw. With the singing, laughing, dancing and screwing gone, I was — quite early on on — ready to blame The Puritans, but Globe theatre critic J. Kelly Nestruck talked me out of that. And how do we account for the clearly tragic gradual disappearance of the aged and the non-white? (Most COVID-19 deaths in the USA and Canada involve those who are either over 80 or ‘of colour.’) One would think Puritans of any ilk would approve of the very, very old — as they mainly just stay home and knit and worry about dying. Isn’t that what Puritans want people to do? And why would black or aboriginal people outrage The Puritans? Well I suppose black culture — in North America at least - seems to involve hyper-sexuality. But surely it’s mean spirited to do away with black people because of a music video culture that is clearly not really representative of most? But of course conspiracy theories are by nature mean spirited. So what is the organizing force behind our present pain? And don’t forget ‘the mad.’ (‘Mad’ is a term I much prefer over ‘mentally -ll’ — and some mentally-ill people seem to like it too. I mean why be ‘mentally ill’ when you could just be mad, which seems to include, by default, being devil-may-care and perhaps even charming — though perhaps in a somewhat alarming way?) What would Puritans have against ‘the mad’? At any rate we won’t have the mad to kick around anymore because so many have already committed suicide during lock down number one, and many will continue to commit suicide — what with medical experts dourly predicting, on the hour, that we must prepare for a ‘dark’ winter. So you can see my dilemma -- trying to come up with a theory that explains COVID-19 — but especially an elegant one? Because  isn’t that we want in a theory, most of all: elegance? Whether or not a theory makes sense doesn’t matter because we are not thinking beings but feeling ones; most of our so-called ‘rational’ thoughts are simply rationalizations. In terms of elegance, in theory — I’ve always been fond of the notion that the universe is gradually being sucked into a black hole. (I think we have Stephen Hawking to thank for that.) Then there’s the ‘big bang’ theory (wasn’t that Hawking too?). But the most elegant theory of all was the notion that AIDS was caused by gay men having sex with monkeys —I say elegant, because it is so unlikely and yet so outrageously appealing at the same time. No gay man in his right mind would be caught dead having sex with a chimpanzee. (Although I will admit I had sex with a man once who liked to imitate a chimpanzee. He made chimp sounds now and then during intercourse.  But he was not actually a chimpanzee, he simply wished to imagine he was one, And outside of being very hairy, he in no way resembled a real monkey.) Well maybe we are simply very stupid people and we will ultimately believe anything that anyone tells us if they shout it loud enough while wearing a mask. I think COVID-19 is caused by capitalism. I say that precisely because there is no rhyme or reason to it, and — outside of God or fate — capitalism is one of the few concepts to exist outside morality. Capitalism (like Donald Trump) does whatever it wants to make money. And there is no doubt that money will be made, and people will die, and I’m not quite sure why everyone is getting into a snit about it, as this has been going on for the last 400 years and very few seem to care.  Perhaps we are waking up — or just going to sleep — and as Gorgias said “sleep already begins to hand me over to his brother, death.” If we must die, it might as well be for no reason at all, unless we make one up, and that’s what being human is. (Making things up.) I would make up a reason for our deaths but capitalism wouldn’t be interested as there is very little money in it, unless you are an evangelist preacher, which I am not. So now I must be silent.