This is for all those fat

girls out there, because I was one. Perhaps 'figuratively speaking.' But isn’t everything 'figurative,' really, when it comes down to it? So I was watching Bill Maher and a very beautiful slender woman was saying that the problem with COVID-19 is that nobody is talking about obesity. We are supposed to be so concerned about everyone’s health right now, but the reason so many people are dying is not just because they are old, or poor, or they had a private birthday for their daughter and invited her friends  -- but because they are obese. The shame heaped upon those who like fun and alcohol goes on quite unabated; criticizing a fat girl is verboten. To quote a t-shirt I saw recently on TV: ‘even my feelings have feelings.’ This is the signature motto for all tearful, perennially hurt millennials. Well as Germaine Greer said it in an interview recently --when someone accused her of hurting some poor trans person’s feelings -- “I don’t care!” It’s not my responsibility! People get hurt all the time!” But nothing, it seems, can match the pain in the eyes of a fat girl who has been shamed. So we must not mention the word ‘fat,' even though being fat is actually unhealthy, especially when one is morbidly obese, as so many people in North America are. You don’t have to look at the statistics (which lie anyway) all you have to do is look at the photographs of the young people who die of COVID-19 on CNN. They all had sweet smiles -- and inevitably brought cheer into any room they entered— however most were morbidly obese. (But  we don’t want to say that about ‘Kelly-Anne’ because she sang that song from Wicked so gorgeously at the school prom!)  Everyone is all concerned about saving lives at any cost, and it is incumbent on all of us to hunker down, isolate, become mentally ill, and kill small businesses, indeed  our lives must come to a full stop -- but God help us if we are to even imply that it might be a good idea for a fat person to go on a diet. On the contrary ‘covid-weight’ is celebrated. I got a ‘notification’ on my phone recently saying: “It’s a lockdown! Enjoy your wine and chocolate!” I could opine against puritanism, but why? After all, we are all Irish nuns now. A young woman told me a harrowing story from her research into Irish history. Apparently young Irish unwed mothers were at one time ‘sheltered’ by nuns, who had a little ritual. Which was this. When the young woman was writhing in the agony of labour (no anasthetic of course) the nun would lean over -- at the moment of the most acute physical anguish -- and whisper: “Think of this the next time you decide to have that kind of fun!” Yes we have all become despicable, unhappy, repressed, bitter, vindictive, jealous, covetous Irish nuns these days — but somehow we can’t bring ourselves to even hint that it might do a fat girl some good to drop some tonnage. Why do I keep talking about ‘fat girls’? What about fat boys? Well they are dying of COVID-19 too, in droves — and no one seems to care about them either. But it is women who have it especially bad, because of sexism. I know all about this because I was — as I say, figuratively speaking — once a little fat girl. I was the next best thing; I was an effeminate little fat boy; a  pudgy sissy. The doctor told my mother I had ‘constitutional laxity” (I searched for that term and found it recently in a 2005 article on the National Library of Medicine website so I guess it really existed.) It all came down to bad muscle tone. It was not my fault that I was tubby and hated gym class. I hated gym class because I not only looked ridiculous in those shorts, but lusted after all the boys — only at that time it was more about romance. My first love Tad Crohn (his grandfather invented Crohn’s disease) had what would be now called a six pack at the age of 9 — when I was mad for him — we used to roll around in bed naked because — well, what else could we do? He was perfect and played tennis with Shane (who was from England and said ‘maul’ instead of ‘mal’ for the local ‘mall’). I wanted to kill Shane and marry Tad, but anyway, the point is, my first erotic encounter was with a boy with a perfectly muscled body — a body I never had and never will. It doesn’t matter how much I work out. I managed to lose 40 pounds for a hernia operation about a year ago and that would certainly be getting me laid if there were any friggin’ bars or bathhouses open anywhere. The point is that I know something about what it means to be a fat girl because I was a fat effeminate boy. So okay, I acknowledge there is so much shame and so much self-loathing because men like you to be trim, and gorgeous — why?  Either all men watch too much pornography or their hormones program them to be more ‘visual’ sexually, we will never know, shall we? (So let’s not debate it.) The point is most men with six-packs these days oppress feminine creatures such as myself — and women — unless they have a body fat percentage of less than 15%. I get it. I get it so much that when I was younger I used to dress up in drag regularly, wearing almost nothing. Check out this video:

https://ca.video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/search;_ylt=AwrCxnZO.uNf.DwAJwQXFwx.;_ylu=Y29sbwNiZjEEcG9zAzIEdnRpZAMEc2VjA3Nj?p=sky+gilbert&fr=yhs-Lkry-SF3&hspart=Lkry&hsimp=yhs-SF3#id=9&vid=edc0557cb8d30fab57c08e2ef4bb876c&action=viewG
I don’t care what you think. I thought I looked gorgeous at the time! Gay liberation for me was partly about well, politics, but also about me showing off my not very trim feminine body to likely males; I can’t tell you how liberating it was to stand up on that stage and go on about getting a ticket for riding in a cab without a seatbelt (it’s a long story), and letting it mostly all hang out. I wish all fat girls could feel as good as I felt about myself on that day. Alas, they don’t. It’s not my fault. It’s a complex issue. But please understand we are not helping those fat girls by encouraging them to eat lots of chocolates to extinguish covid anxiety. The fact is — I don’t know how to tell you this — but if your feelings have feelings -- then you have too many feelings.