I’ll tell you what Pride used to be like.
I remember getting ready for the Buddies in Bad Times Theatre Pride float — this would be approximately 30 years ago.
We always decided on the concept first.
Of course I can’t remember the concept we chose — all I remember was my job was to suck off a dyke sporting a big, fat, black dildo.
Conundrum. What to wear? Well, I had a sailor shirt, and I knew I could get a sailor hat at the army surplus on Yonge street, both of which would go well with the tight, white sexy shorts I would jam myself into (the ones where you could see everything).
I also decided that I would have to go on a diet so that I would look super sexy and fabulous on the float. I went on the banana diet, which was basically just bananas (I think you were allowed some oranges for variety). At the time I was also drinking pretty heavily which I didn’t intend on stopping, so by the time it got to Pride I had a pretty severe stomach ailment, but: I was skinny!
The day of the parade our float was waiting in line and a very officious Pride Official (aren’t they always very officious?) marched up to our float and said “Sorry, you can’t do that, there’s no more s/m on the floats.” You see, the woman I was sucking off was a very tall Asian woman dressed entirely in leather, and of course, she was bare breasted. We got angry at the official and then decided to ignore the orders from officialdom. (I know that because there are pictures of me, —in some book somewhere — sucking off — Joy — that was her very apt name — Joy!)
Anyway, that was the beginning of the end.
The reason explicit sex was banned from the floats was because children would be there.
Huh.
If only we could get rid of the kids!
No, I don’t mean shoot them, I’m not that insane, I mean why can’t we NOT TAKE THEM TO PRIDE? Pride is a celebration of sexuality. Do children have sexualities? Nope, they don’t. Despite what some nutty trans theorist may tell you. Children are often polymorphously perverse (look it up) but of course they become adult sexual beings and make choices about behaviour and labels after they reach puberty (times have changed so much that some may disagree with me even on this). There are family oriented pride events for children, can the children be there, not at the parade?
Or better yet, why not celebrate Pride at night — like the Mardi Gras in New Orleans — and everyone get down and sexy and grungy and very very dirty? Celebrating sex? Remember sex?
Oh dear…..I fear…I’m very old fashioned.
But Joy….can you hear me? Joy…are you still there?
Joy…I’m thinking of you!
