I was at the foot doctor’s today. She finally figured out I’m gay.
She is an intelligent, tolerant and very politically savvy woman.
So, what -- for an intelligent, tolerant and politically savvy chiropodist -- is the immediate ‘go-to’ when she finds out her client is gay?
“Have you seen that TV show with Nate Berkus and Jeremiah Brent?”
No, I had to honestly say that I hadn’t.
“They had this daughter with a surrogate, and sometimes the daughter is on the show, and they are home designers -- and you really get a glimpse into their lives. Sometimes you can see them kidding each other the same way straight couples do. It’s very -- real”
Wow.
I was somewhat flabbergasted. I didn’t know what to say.
You see, there was a time when admitting to someone that you were gay might have brought other images to mind, like -- well, maybe drag, or maybe -- leather chaps or maybe even (call me crazy) fellatio?
Not nowadays. No, nowadays tell someone you’re gay and all they can think about is pair of designer guys with a daughter they paid big money for -- and oh yes how ‘similar’ these guys are to a regular, ordinary, normal straight couple.
And of course, most gay men seem pretty happy with this new image of themselves.
So when dumb straight film actors like Andrew Garfield say they are ‘culturally gay’ or
when straight, pretentious matinee idol, avant-garde wannabes like James Franco say “I’m gay in my life up to the point of intercourse, and then you could say I'm straight. So I guess it depends on how you define gay” -- well, we only have only ourselves to blame.
We gay men have rejected everything sexual about ourselves (‘I don’t like bathhouses, I don’t hang out on Church Street’) and everything gender bending (‘No fats and no fems please’). And we are sure to tell everyone over tea, that despite the existence of GRINDR what we all really want is to settle down, get married and adopt a baby
So this is what we get.
No wonder dumb straight guys want to be ‘culturally gay.’
But you know what?
I don’t like it that James Franco gets to be gay without ‘doing the dirty.’ In fact I find it pretty insulting. I’ve spent my whole life being treated like a pariah because I like to dress like a girl and take it up the rear end.
So it kinda bugs me that entitled assholes like James Franco and Andrew Garfield get to appropriate only the un-sexual, home designer, daughter-loving aspects of our lives. They get to be homo, without the sexuality.
In fact, I’m downright offended.
So, you heard it here first.
There’s no such thing as being ‘culturally gay.’
Andrew Garfield and James Franco, I hereby challenge you to pull down your pants or
shut up.
If you wanna be one of us, I’m afraid you’re going to get down on your knees, and well...play the bagpipes!
And I think you guys are intelligent, tolerant, and politically savvy enough to know what I mean.
