I’m sorry
to be so annoyed about this but I’m really tired of hearing that it doesn’t
matter anymore whether or not your are gay. And to find an article by Paul
Gallant in In Toronto magazine with
just that theme (Open Closet Policy: Does
coming out even matter anymore?) just makes me weary with frustration.
All the
people that Paul mentions in his article are people I admire. But in each and
every case, coming out has been, I would argue, a huge issue for them.
Gallant
mentions Anderson Cooper, Ellen DeGeneres, Trevor Boris, Maggie Cassella, Ann- Marie MacDonald, Rick Mercer, and Kathleen Wynne – and though it’s hard to
figure out exactly what he’s saying about most of them, his general conclusion
is – if it mattered once whether or not you came out, it’s no big deal now.
I beg to
disagree. I think it’s important to note that Rick Mercer, Ellen de
Generes, and Anderson Cooper came out
once their careers were established; and for good reason – they wanted to get a
little respect before everyone made a big deal about their sexuality. Maggie
Cassella and Ann- Marie MacDonald -- god
bless them -- are beautiful, enormously talented, femme-looking white women. Maggie
has always been very out, and Ann-Marie MacDonald is lesbian if anyone asks --
but frankly if you’re femme, white and beautiful nobody really wants to know.
Trevor Boris is funny as hell. He is also out and effeminate and – well I don’t
know how to tell him this – but as talented as he is, he is likely to be always
known as one of Canada’s ‘gay comics.’
Kathleen
Wynne is out and though she tries to look femme, her efforts lead her to
resemble your high school gym teacher dressed up for prom (again, God bless you
girlfriend -- but a string a pearls just isn’t going to do the trick!).
So much for it all not mattering.
All of
these celebrities should be commended, not only for their achievements, but
also for their coming out whenever they have done so -- early or late in their
careers (or even just if someone asks!). But for anyone to assert that it
hasn’t mattered whether or not they have come out or not, is just….well – that
notion is filled with more bullshit than a post-video apology from Rob Ford.
Anyone who
is not lying through their teeth
knows it matters very much whether or not you are queer and whether or not you
are out. Yes, in the western world (and only in the western world I might add)
we have two things -- human rights and political correctness -- that help us to
imagine that homophobia is over. But we all know that you can’t erase hate from
the human heart. Human hypocrisy is rampant (again Rob Ford comes to mind) and
the amount of acceptance we queers get from the straight community depends
completely on
a)
how gender regular we are
b)
how little we talk about sex
In other words, if you’re a boy who looks and acts like a
boy, or a girl who looks and acts like a girl, you will experience less
homophobia than if you are not. And if you just never talk about sex -- ever --
straight people may manage to forget that you gobble knobs and/or munch carpet
in your spare time.
So why do
queers these days have so much invested in pretending no one cares whether or
not they are straight or gay? It really makes me laugh to watch the new
prototype of the respectable fag who thinks he’s ‘fitting in’ – um….skinny jeans, immaculately trimmed beard,
funny glasses, and a bow tie? Hey, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you
ain’t foolin’ nobody, no time, honey! And despite these futile efforts to look just
like everyone else, straight men in most cases just don’t give a shit about
that pot belly (why can’t I stop
thinking about Rob Ford?).
But we gays care very much.
Truth be
told, we really do.
So why the
denial? The best I can do is to suggest that gay men -- like everyone -- want life to be nice. They think they
can rid the world of homophobia by wishing it away. Well I don’t know how to
tell you this, Dorothy, but all the wishing in the world will not, in
actuality, get you home.
And in
fact, the hours you spend dreaming that lies are true is valuable time wasted –
time that could be used in trying to change the human hearts around you, by
practicing complete honesty and timely disclosure of the full truth and nothing
but (whether it makes straights queasy
or not!).
Sorry Paul
Gallant, but on this one I happen to think you are dead wrong.
