I’m celebrating my

antibodies tonight, we’re having another party. Yes, I was vaccinated two weeks ago and the antibodies to COVID-19 are raging in my blood. I can’t catch it — that’s impossible —and I can’t pass it on. This is the truth. I know because I have a doctor friend who told me. Apparently the Public Health equivocation is this: they are afraid that if they tell people that they are free to mingle — un-infectious and un-infectable — apres vaccination, this will create a segregated society in which the vaccinated are given certain rights that the un-vaccinated are not. Well, first of all, that’s going to happen anyway. But a much more important issue is the way Public Health treats us — with condescension, as if we were children. Well, we are. I get it. But you have no right to treat us that way; the whole premise of democracy is you treat people as if they are not stupid animals, even if they are. Of course these manipulations get Public Health in big trouble because vaccines were supposed to be the end of COVID-19, and now instead we are being told: ’Wait a minute, one in five million people might have a side effect, so watch out!” And — “Oh yes, mutations and variations might might outsmart the vaccines, so you still have to wear a mask." Right. People don’t like that. But again, that’s not the real problem, the real problem is not just that people don’t like being condescended or lied to, but that Public Health should be telling us the truth. They are not artists; it is not their job to mystify or dwell in precious, allusive obscurity. Their mission should be to give us ‘just the facts ma’am,' which they do not. And I speak not only of their manipulations. Also (some woman on CNN said this months ago,  and then they wouldn’t let her on again -- or that’s my suspicion) Public Health does not only withhold information from us, but they offer us information, willy-nilly, we should not under any circumstances be privy to. When Public Health is doing their job in the Public Health offices (do they all have funny teeth like Theresa Tam? Are they generally unwashed? I suspect so, all those late nights, worrying….) they are allowed to, and very much should practice the ‘There’s always a chance that….’ ethic. In other words, they must consider even the remotest, minutest possibility that certain awful things might happen. This they need to do in order to institute effective public health measures. But they don't need to and shouldn't in fact tell us everything. We don’t need to know (for instance) about vaccinations, that 1 in 5 million women between the ages of 30 and 50 might die of a blood clot from Astra-Zeneca. That may be a fact, but it is actually misinformation, because we will misinterpret it, and blow it out of proportion. What I'm saying may seem contradictory; but it's fundamentally not.  Public Health must not condescend to us, but on the other hand they must not give us irrelevant information that will be of no use to us, 'information' that just gets the media all hysterical. Have you heard anything on the news lately except blood clots blood clots BLOOD CLOTS!!!!? Anyway, I’m sorry I can’t invite you to the little party tonight celebrating my antibodies. The theme of my ‘antibody party’ will be — you guessed it —that if you are a beautiful man you might try pressing your gorgeous hunky body against mine, as I am now un-infectious and un-infectable. I think I’m horny; I’m not sure because I’m so incredibly old that it’s hard to tell. Last night I had a drink with a friend and his paramour — I was quite jealous about this young prince from Brazil -- who was just my type. The Brazilian’s name was Kyle  —which does not in any shape or form sound Brazliian — but he did. Kyle had no accent, but there was definitely a type of cultural difference going on that I could learn from. He was from Sao Paulo, which is to me, amazing, as my understanding is this: Sao Paulo is one of the poorest and most dangerous cities in the world — but Kyle opened my eyes to the fact that it isn’t so bad to live there. Nevertheless he is here, which says something. Kyle was wearing a hat that said BRAD, which I found charming. Only to find out that the BRAD hat was a ‘brand’ he had been trying to market recently. That immediately aroused me sexually. The word BRAD that is.  I would buy something that was sold under the BRAD brand, because BRAD to me is just hot, especially when followed by 'Pitt.' (I’ll never forget seeing him in his first movie — Thelma and Louise. He, of course, removed his clothes lickety-split, and we wanted to lick him immediately while he was doing the splits.) Speaking of which, Kyle was wearing artfully ripped jeans, and he kept rubbing his naked knees (something akin to Aladdin’s lamp?). And I did just happen to notice -- because I have a sharp eye for these things -- that he had magnificent thighs. I kept looking at his thighs, tightly encased by his jeans, and it did occur to me that they would be stupendous, as thighs go, and all I could think of was how wonderful it would be if Kyle were to sit on my face. “Sit on my face, and tell me that you love me!” is a song by Monty Python. I m not as fond of the ‘tell me that you love me’ part -- I find that intimidating. But I have always adored having certain people — and only certain ones — sit on my face. Kyle would be one such person. I am hoping therefore, tonight, that some face sitting happens -- before or after -- my party. No one has sat on my face in -- like — well,  months — at least since last summer — and it’s definitely a significant component in my sexual bag of tricks. Please join me in praying that I get laid at my antibody party tonight  -- that someone takes the hint, and presses his lovely (young?) body against mine -- or a certain part of his lovely young body, against my mouth. Sorry this blog has been so pornographic (no, I’m not). Blame it on COVID-19. Or on doctors not telling us the truth. The truth is so complicated -- of course -- and deeper than any doctor can ever imagine, and terribly difficult to communicate, for each and everyone one of us. But you, Theresa Tam, must -- in a very different manner than myself -- at least, try.