what’s going on; it’s primarily a racist fascination with miscegenation; the persistent image of that ginger penis plunging into that dark vagina; we just can’t get it out of our minds. Meghan is right, we are, all of us, racists, and for this reason it’s all just so alluring — but most of all, erotic. An added distraction is that Megan’s exemplary behaviour makes it clear who is wearing the pants in this particular royal bedroom. If someone is being punished it is definitely Prince Harry — how delicious it is imagining him wincing with pain/pleasure when bent over Meghan Markle’s knee. May I speak of the sheer hypocrisy of being so suddenly struck (to coin a word) by the heretofore invisible issue of mental health, but only when the words issue from the mouth of a Princess? I don’t think Meghan is lying about how her experience of racism tested her mental health, but why are we acting as if we’ve never heard of the issue before? Could it be because she is enormously rich, a TV star — and royalty —and that she gets pummeled sexually within an inch of her life, knightly, by a possible future king? I wish I could feel sorrier for Meghan, really, I do. I tell you honestly — I’m trying hard to press out a tear. But it’s not Meghan I take issue with, no — it’s the multitudes who have suddenly wakened from their deep sleep and become socially conscious. I, too, am concerned about mental health. The mental health of gay men. I have been for a long time. During the last year, two of my gay theatre colleagues have committed suicide, and two have committed themselves to mental institutions. I do apologise for not being a princess (although I am a queen) but try and pay attention anyway. Gay men have never recovered from The Holocaust that was AIDS. This means that not only were we dying like flies for approximately ten years while everyone ignored us and blamed our ‘lifestyle’ for our illness, but after they finally found drugs that allowed some to rise from the dead, Public Health (the same Public Health that is protecting us from COVID-19) started putting us in jail for murder if we had sex with someone without a condom. But what continues to torture us (gay marriage, and all) is this never ending shaming of our sexual activities that stems entirely from heterosexual male gender insecurity -- and is not helped one jot by trans persons coming out as gender variant but ‘not sexual.’ Homophobia will be over when Dads everywhere routinely embrace their sons for not overpopulating the world. But it’s not only gay men that concern me; I also worry about the mental health of drug addicts. Recently I have become drug addict — or resumed my previous drug addiction. My therapist became concerned when I told her that I thought maybe I might end up dead one day soon. Yes, it’s poppers. I’ve mentioned them before. If you are not gay then you have no idea what I’m talking about. They're basically like sniffing what’s under the sink — and yes I do it far too much. Why? Because I miss darkrooms, and naked men. It’s not so much sex as what I like to call ‘the game’ — the chase, the grab and kiss, the catch and sniff, the dab and parry of it all: ‘You’re not masculine enough…but I like your beard…Where day you live?’ Missing all that drives me to inhale a carcinogen while looking at dirty pictures of men. There, now you know. I tell you this partially because I am addicted to confession, and partially to again affirm the extreme unreliability of my moral authority; in other words I’m as much of an asshole as you are, and if you don’t think you’re an asshole well, you have a problem with self-esteem. (Also the present rubric for politically correct discussion says that if I am an admitted drug addict I have the right to speak of them.) I don’t think anyone cares about the mental health of drug addicts, but people have been overdosing on opiates like crazy during COVID-19. Then there is the mental health of the working classes. I can’t claim authenticity there; I have never been remotely a working class person, but like Prince Harry -- who is not himself black but has sex with black people -- I am not working class but have sex with working class men. And during COVID-19 the working classes have been forced to continue toiling in adverse conditions, only to come home to children who are climbing the walls because they're not in school. And the wives! Why is no one talking about the wives? Incidents of domestic violence in Canada have almost doubled during COVID-19. But of course, no one cares. We would rather fantasize about what Meghan and Harry do in bed. Okay. Let’s go! Don’t you just LOVE them? I have noticed that Harry habitually wears open-necked shirts that generously reveal just that tiny bit of fur; this must drive Meghan crazy, it certainly has me imagining where that redolent fuzz is placed on his muscular body. I imagine it it is buttock and leg prevalent, which is a particularly fantasy of mine (as I am hairless there). I also love to imagine the disciplinary actions she takes when Harry is not up to par with his Requisite Public Service. I suspect she demands he pull down his pants and walk around their 11 million dollar Montecito home in Santa Barbara with it all hanging out. No let’s imagine it swinging. I would imagine it swings when he walks — because well — after all he isn’t the son of Prince Charles, but probably the son of the -- most likely amply-endowed -- James Lifford Hewitt, a hunky cavalry officer who had an affair with Princess Diana in the 90s. Oh dear, what about Meghan? I forgot to imagine her nakedness! She probably has something hanging out too — at least one breast -- so Harry has something to fantasize about nibbling on later — but only with her permission. So they will go on like this until — I hope I am not boring you! I could go on all knight, because when we speak of Meghan and Harry we are speaking of mental health, are we not? Is that not the subject? Or, pardon me, was it something else?
