Friday, 22 January 2016

Revenge of the Fag Hags

That was just to get your attention. If you’re looking for an article that makes fun of women you’ve come to the wrong place.
However what you will find here is a critique of young gay men.
Okay, back in my day (which I know was a very long time ago) young men used to go to gay bars by themselves. I know this might seem like a bizarre concept to all you young-un’s out there. But hold onto your hats. At one time, young men did not go to gay bars in order to socialize with their friends! They went out for one purpose and one purpose only: to cruise other men! 
If you’re under 25 you might not know what cruising is. Well you know how you flick through GRINDR and flirt with guys, wink at them, and chat them up? Well people used to do that in person. (I know, bizarre concept.)
Now that doesn’t mean that back in the day, we weren’t sociable. It wasn’t that we didn’t talk with anyone or laugh or have fun. And it didn’t mean we walked into the bar and immediately pulled down some guy’s pants. No — we laughed and talked and did all the things you do. Only we don’t go to the bar for the express purpose of laughing and talking, we went there for the express purpose of getting royally laid.
Nowadays young guys don’t go to bars without a phalanx of women on their arm. Not lesbians, or girls who read Schopenhauer, mind you, no: party girls. Pretty 19-25 year olds who live in Mississauga and wear low-cut party dresses high high heels and giggle like crazy cuz honey — they are out for a wild and crazy night on the town with their outrageous gay friends!
I don’t blame these young women. I mean who wants to hang out in a sexist straight bar with a bunch of boring, uptight abusive boys and nasty, sexually competitive girls with body image issues?
But what about the young gay men? What do they get out of all this?
Well  the number of party girls a young man hauls into a gay bar is in direct proportion to his age, and hence inherently related to his fear of being thought to be cruising and fear of being cruised.  Nineteen year olds may come to the bar with five girls or more. By the time they are 25 they only need one, until they get a boyfriend and can blithely intone “Dude, I’m no longer into the Church Street scene.”
How do I know all this? Well I have certainly observed these frightened young men and their party-hardy girlfriends at Buddies, Woody’s and lining up at Crews. But also, I’ve noticed a glut of youtube videos, sketches and plays that feature annoying ‘faghag’ girlfriends. It used to be that gay men were misogynistic because they were forced by a homophobic culture to marry women and pretend they were straight. Thank God that’s over. Unfortunately gay men still resent women — now because they have to spend the first ten years of their gay lives depending on girls to accompany them to gay bars. 
Will we ever see the day when young gay men proudly walk into a gay bar alone with the express purpose of flirting with and ultimately sexing another guy?
Not in our lifetimes. 
Why are young men so afraid of being openly sexual, sex-obsessed slutty perverts?
The one word answer: AIDS.
The illness may be manageable these days, but I doubt if the social effects will be manageable for a long, long time.
In the meantime, you gay boys try and be nice to your actual female girlfriends! Don’t trash them, or resent them, or blame them for your eternally desperate co-dependent actions. 
Cuz it’s not their fault; it’s yours.