In 1982 when I was just 29 years old, I was asked to be on a special panel at the Canada Council. I don’t remember much about it — it a one time only advisory panel on theatre. On the panel with me was the acclaimed actor Eric Peterson. Peterson was only 6 years older than I was — but I thought of him as an elder; he had been acting since 1971, and I was just starting my professional career.
At one point he turned to me and privately confessed (keep in mind, I am paraphrasing as I can’t remember exactly what he said — this is the jist of it): “I’m sorry to say I’ve never been to your ‘Buddies in Bad Times Theatre’. You know, a lot of people wouldn’t be caught dead going there — unless they were wearing a paperbag over their head.”
So what did I do, after Eric Peterson said this to me? Did I rise from my seat, in righteous indignation, and declare the meeting an ‘unsafe space?’ Did I call for Eric Peterson’s resignation from the committee? Did I cry?
No, I thanked him for what was obviously a well meaning joke, if perhaps somewhat ineptly communicated. We continued our discussion, and continued contributing to the panel. And I think we learned quite a bit from each other.
Of course nowadays if someone made such a comment, the person who made that comment would be subject to social media scrutiny, declared a pariah and exorcised from the theatre community without question.
What has happened to our public discourse? Where is the decorum?
The problem is this: we no longer allow for intention.
It is only words that are important. If people speak in a manner that is deemed offensive by someone else, it doesn’t matter what their intentions are, or if they apologize. They are immediately demonized.
Everyday Feminism asks “What does the intent of our action really matter if our actions have the impact of furthering the marginalization or oppression of those around us?” Impact is certainly important, but this new decorum — which is really the opposite of decorum — does not help well intentioned people work out their differences or mitigate their ignorance. It simply closes the door on discussion, and divides us.
I knew that Eric Peterson was trying his best to be sympathetic to a cause that he didn’t fully understand, and I gave him full credit for that. I didn’t waste time blaming him or hating him.
When did our public discourse become so mean-spirited? And why?
