Saturday 18 April 2015

I am in London. So...here are....

Some Typical West End Reviews:

“Charming”

“Irresistible”

“Fabulous.”

“I cried.”

“My mother had a baby in the front row, she was so excited.”

“My mother had a baby in the front row, she was so excited — and she’s 89 years old.”

“My mother had a baby in the front row, she was so excited — and she was already dead!”

‘At last, a musical to sing about.”

“A cast to die for”

“I would love to give the entire cast blow jobs.”

“I have given the entire cast blow jobs and I can attest to the fact that they are all, each of them, superlative in every way.”

“The show made me come.”

“The show made me come, twice, by accident, without touching myself.”

“Beyond belief.”

“Beyond expectation.”

“A show the whole family will love.”

“If everyone doesn’t love this show, they should be shot.”

“If absolutely everyone doesn’t adore this show, they should be tied up and boiling oil should be poured over their heads and then whey should be left in a public place so that people can throw vegetables at them.”

“I absolutely adored it.”

“I shat my pants.”

“I shat my pants, sneezed and came at the same time. The medical journals are now examining me, they can’t believe I’m actually alive.”

I shat my pants, sneezed, my mother had a baby, then I had a baby, then I came, and all of this happened on a Sunday matinee. I am now dead, and being examined by a coroner -- but I am happier than I have ever been! All I can say to the entire cast, producers and the writers of this show is: "Thank you.”