Tuesday, 13 March 2012

Mid-March Mini Reviews…

1. Very good and it kinda made me cry:
Albert Nobbs and Friends With Kids
I don’t know what to say about Albert Nobbs, but if you are gay or thinking of being gay -- run don’t walk, because it’s all about being alone and having no sense of community and then finding it. It makes me cry now just writing about it.
And Friends with Kids well ….duh! I would see ANYTHING with ADAM SCOTT in it. He is the BEST EVER FOR SARDONIC! He gets to cry in this one (exploring his range) which made me cry too. Why did this picture get SO MANY bad reviews? I can understand why Liam Lacey didn’t like it – after all he’s an incredibly uptight old geezer. But do the other critics hate it because they hate Jennifer Westfeldt -- because she is a great writer and director AND actress, and she wrote and directed AND starred in this, AND on top of that she is also beautiful and married to the talented and hot John Hamm? Or is it because the movie promotes ‘alternative lifestyles’ (not so popular these days)? Or it could just be because she’s a woman?
I forgot about that…..

2. It didn’t make me cry but it was very very good, and all about the anti-hero:
Rampart and Puncture
Rampart is a really good picture about a hot but screwed up police guy starring the aptly cast Woody Harrelson. It‘s really good but you won’t hear about it or even see it, ever. Puncture is only available on DVD and is another great picture about a very important social issue (needle pricks in hospitals cause disease!). But you won’t ever see this movie either. The reason you won’t see either of these movies is because Hollywood has decided that only movies that feature heroes who are fine, upstanding, religious, spotless, family men like Rick Santorum and Stephen Harper are suitable for us (and of course our children) to see. The era of the complicated/conflicted anti-hero is over (unless it’s an abusive Dad as in Tree of Life -- we’re supposed to NEVER STOP LOVING abusive Dads – that will probably ALWAYS be allowed, compulsory even). But hot drug addicted sex fiends who are also heroes? No way. That’s over. These two pictures are the last gasp of one of my favorite genres, the ‘bad boy as hero’ movies. (sigh!)

3. Only if you’re 13…..
Goon and Project X
If you’re thirteen you’ll really like Project X because it’s all about kids who have a crazy party in their backyard hoping they are going to fuck hot chicks. The message of this movie is ‘your father will love you and be proud of you if you have a huge party in your backyard that is very violent and wrecks the neighborhood.’ This movie will probably inspire lots of kids to have huge crazy violent parties in their backyards. In fact it already has. See:
And Goon -- well it’s another great movie for 13 year olds. The message is: ‘hockey violence is a lot of fun,’ and ‘men have penises and balls swinging between their legs.’ (As somewhat of a thirteen year old myself I was pleased to be reminded of the second fact.)

4. Not even if you’re 13……
I don’t know what to say about this because it was SO dirty it was SO sex obsessed you’d think I would have liked it -- but I didn’t. Could it be Jennifer Aniston?