Thursday, 4 January 2018
What’s Wrong With Heterosexuality?
Quite a lot actually. And we will never challenge rape culture and/or the sexual harassment of women until we fundamentally change heterosexuality itself.
We imagine that merely by routing out the guilty male parties (who seem, rather oddly, to all be in the arts or politics -- are there no serial abusers in the corporate sphere?) we have solved the problem. No. This is not to say that men who harass and abuse women are not guilty, nor is it to say that they should not be punished. But if wish to eradicate the problem -- not just place a pretty band-aid on it -- we must look deeply and critically at heterosexuality itself.
As a gay man, I can stand outside heterosexuality. I hope I can offer a fresh perspective on a the ‘heterosexual problem.’ (Sure, some gay men are abusers/molesters/harassers -- but for very different reasons -- so we’ll save that for another day!)
So how do we start solving the problem of heterosexuality?
1. As children, we are taught that most men are sexual (The Beast), and that women are, generally -- not sexual (Beauty). We are also taught that there are some women who do happen to be sexual. They are called ‘whores.’ If a woman has sexual desires and speaks about them then she is not a ‘nice’ woman. This is the most important thing we must change: women must be empowered to speak about sex and desire -- frankly, honestly -- freely and often.
2. The best way to make a baby, for years, has been to insert a penis into a vagina, and then wiggle it around until the man has an orgasm. True. But this fact has no significance. It means nothing. (It’s even less important nowadays, because we could all use a little de-population!) The fact that this is the most pleasurable way we’ve come up with to make babies (so far) has nothing to do with the way women and men should or can act in or out of bed. Sex involves power play; if there is no power play, then it’s simply affection. But the power games we play in bed say nothing about who we are out of bed. All that man-on-top-woman--on-the-bottom stuff -- if you like it in bed -- must stop when you get out. Period.
3. Finally. (Please take a deep breath, this is tough one.) Monogamy doesn’t work for most of us -- male, female and ‘other.’ It’s best to try and find a mutually agreed upon, palatable alternative.
Hey -- heterosexuals! Just start working on these three very important things! I promise, you’ll be fine!
Take it from me -- I’m gay!