Friday, 2 January 2015

Big Eyes and an Open Letter to Mark Schultz!

Big Eyes
I promised a review. Unfortunately Big Eyes is not a very good movie. Tim Burton needs a good writer, and no matter how many pretty, Douglas-Sirkish colours he flashes before us, this can’t make up for dodgy dialogue and a listless plot. But speaking of Amy Adams! When is somebody going to write a movie for her — where she plays Marilyn Monroe? Fuck, she is so gorgeous! And tender! And fragile! And such a brilliant fucking actress! Isn’t she the perfect age right now to star in a movie about Marilyn pre-suicide (when she was fucking Kennedy) — and in Big Eyes  — she is just so Marilyn. 

And re: my review of Foxcatcher…..

An Open Letter to Mark Schultz:

Dear Mark Schultz,

Recently in your Twitter account you attacked the movie Foxcatcher. You said the movie is guilty of: “Leaving the audience with a feeling that somehow there could have been a sexual relationship between du Pont and I” and you said that this “is a sickening and insulting lie…after reading 3 or 4 reviews interpreting it sexually, and jeopardizing my legacy they need to have a press conference to clear the air, or I will.”
Well Mark Schultz, I am one of those reviewers who found a gay ‘subtext’ in the movie. Frankly, I found the gay subtext insulting to me as a gay man.The movie seems to suggest that being gay is a bad thing, because the villainous du Pont lusts after you. But re: your twitter comments. All I can say is, why would you not be proud of being thought of as gay? Okay, let me put it this way. What if somebody assumed you were not only Mark Schultz the Olympian, but also a guy who once saved a child from a burning building. Wouldn’t you be happy about that? Being mistaken for being someone wonderful isn’t a problem. is it? And being gay is wonderful! Any man should be proud to be thought of as gay!
Being straight is okay, but being gay is better. Here are four great things about being gay:

a) You are not contributing to world overpopulation because you are not producing children (you are only adopting them)!
b) You are in great company — people like Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and Shakespeare were all gay!
c) You have the opportunity to wrench yourself from the horrible sexism that dominates straight culture and leads to to violence against women!
d) Finally, if you are gay, it opens up the possibility of rejecting capitalist culture! Compulsory heterosexuality is a necessary part of the capitalist system because the modern family is an efficient way to deliver consumer goods. Being gay gives you an opportunity to break free of the oppressive capitalist system which is now causing devastating worldwide poverty, and increasing the gaps between the rich and poor everywhere. 

Be gay and set the world free!

I hope this letter will make you your paranoia about being thought of as gay.

Being gay really is a very good thing.

Sky Gilbert