Dear Nice Reader who probably never complains at all, here
are a buncha things that bug my ass:
2. The ‘backlash’ against The Wolf
of Wall Street would be incredibly hilarious if it
wasn’t so tragic. After the movie was released worried fathers everywhere
tweeted: “I brought my kids to see The
Wolf of Wall Street over Christmas and had to shield their eyes! Is this
what Hollywood calls quality family holiday entertainment?” Well what did you expect,
you dufus? And hey, why are people so shocked by this flic, anyway? It’s
because movies have gotten so Disneyfied
(Saving Mr. Banks anyone?) that if it isn’t a handful of treacle
washed down with a spoonful of sugar people are ‘offended.’ Sure, a fraud like
David. O. Russell can make a lousy Scorsese ripoff called American Hustle and get nominated for twenty Oscars, even though
it’s just a bunch of stupid gags acted out by a bunch of cartoon characters (wow
men in hair curlers, what could be funnier than that?). But when Scorsese crafts
a real/ touching / brilliant / fantastic movie deeply exploring the human
capacity for greed, folly and self-destruction, people are ‘offended.’ (I don’t
even like Leonardo DiCaprio. But the
scene where he’s stoned and crawling to his car is the scariest, most amazing
thing I’ve ever watched in any movie, anywhere.)
3.
Did you have some travel headaches over the
holidays? Well apparently it’s not the fault of the airline, or GO METROLINX,
it’s the fault of the weather. Sorry
but I’m not buying it. I was waiting four two hours in a lineup with a bunch of
other frozen commuters while a bunch of GO drivers next to us were having a
good laugh and a coffee. None of them thought to help. All we wanted wanted was
a little communication. (What is going on? When is that bus coming?) My
prediction is that travel will just get worse because our culture is dedicated to
figuring out ways to make people stay home. Bad service when you visit the
bank? Do your banking online. Your bus is late? Please email us with your
comments! Frankly, why should any business provide good service in person anymore when most businesses would
rather you did your shopping online? We travel to meet people and find new
experiences, right? Well I don’t know how to tell you this, but people won’t be
doing that shit in the future. In the future we’ll be doing all our traveling
in cyberspace and having Skype sex.
4. Speaking of sex. I’m tired of guys who want to ‘party.’
You know when they come into your room at the baths, and
they are so hot, and they start having sex with you, and then comes the
inevitable ‘Do you party?’ question -- which means do you do drugs, probably
heavy duty ones – like crack or Crystal Meth? And if you say ‘Sorry dude no, I
don’t party’ the hot guy goes away. Now don’t get me wrong, I know people have
always have liked sex and drugs together. But it seems to me (and I’m old
enough to remember this) that there was a time when those drugs weren’t liable
to kill you right on the spot
(remember alcohol and marijuana?), or people were willing to just, you know, have sex. Remember sex? It can be a lot
of fun without drugs. Or am I wrong?
So
what is this world coming to?
Sincerely,
Grumplestiltskin
