INT. Do you still go to theatre, Sky? I know you’re retired now —
SKY. Oh I hate that word. And yes I do go to theatre, all the time. Even though most of the theatre I see is absolutely appalling.
INT. What exactly do you mean by appalling
SKY. Not excellent.
INT. And what does that mean?
SKY. Well I’ll tell you about a recent experience I had at Coal Mine Theatre. I cried.
INT. What production was it?
SKY. The Effect, by Lucy Prebble.
INT. So. The play was so deeply moving, that it made you —
SKY. The play did not make me cry. I LOVED it though. Act two was actually scary and brought up a paradox — and I love paradoxes (they are the essence of life!) the idea that depression is toxic, but taking anti-depressive drugs is perhaps a denial of the reality of the experience of living. Fascinating. Then the two leading characters got into a freaky fight that was again actually scary — and very upsetting, as it was a man and woman physically fighting. Wow.
The only thing I didn’t like was that what was advertised was (i.e. a warning — but we all know theatre warnings are really advertisements) nudity — but all the actors were wearing spanks for the sex scenes. Spanks! There was no nudity whatsoever! Would you ever have sex in a pair of spanks? I mean spanks are tragically misnamed because you can’t spank anyone in them, that is, properly. That is, make their butt red —
INT. We seem to have strayed off-topic Sky — and again are mired in sex and sexuality.
SKY. Mired, but why —
INT. I’m just trying to keep you on track.
SKY. Okay. What was the track. I’m old, I’m retired, I forgot.
INT. What made you cry at Coal Mine Theatre, if it was not the play.
SKY. Ted Dykstra. Ted Dykstra made me cry, when he talked about the end of Coal Mine Theatre.
INT. And why did you cry?
SKY. I can’t stand to see it go. It’s my favourite theatre in Toronto. Everything I see there is fascinating and complex, and controversial, and dangerous and upsetting and fraught and doesn’t make me comfortable. I love that.
INT. What did Ted Dykstra say?
SKY. Well you know when Coal Mine started up I was kind of perturbed by their 'anti-government funding' stance. They seemed to be proudly saying — we don’t get government funding. I didn’t realize at the time what government funding would turn into.
INT. Fascinating. What has it turned into? That is — in your opinion —
SKY. In my humble opinion. But it’s not humble (I think it’s quite a brilliant opinion, because it’s mine!) you see I was a part of this mess. I'm ashamed now. I was a part of the mechanism which has become present day aesthetic political correctness. But I was bullied into by the arts councils. I figured out at some point that if I said on grant applications that my plays were about human beings, or the massive paradoxes of life or — God forgive me — about how awful people are, generally, I wouldn’t get an arts council grant. I had to say that the plays were ‘gay’ plays and advanced the ‘Gay Agenda’ (by the way, run do not walk to see the new Blake and Clay -- their second show is also fabbie-do — and it's shocking to me that Buddies in Bad Times won’t produce it!). But after seeing my supposedly gay plays, audience members would come up to me and ask me why I hated gay men so much -- because the gay men in my plays were such horrible, vile creatures. And I would say — 'well everyone is horrible and vile, including me, and that’s what makes a good play!' Anyway, I lied in the grant applications and pretended my plays were ‘political’ in the sense of being evidently gay positive. They certainly weren’t political in that way. So now Ted Dykstra says Coal Mine can’t get grants, even if they want them, because some dumb arts council executive (getting paid far more than Ted Dykstra, I’m sure) told him that ‘excellence is not a mandate.’ To counter the idiot arts council executive I would say art is not longer excellent, that present day art has become a preachy, boring ideological tract — and this repulsive fact is going to destroy art.
INT. I’ve always wondered — dare I ask you — why do you have so many strong opinions Sky?
SKY. I’m an American. I was born a gay American. It’s caused me lots of trouble.
INT. Are all Americans innately…argumentative?
SKY. All Americans are loud, fat, stupid, pigheaded. and fundamentally puritan. This is one of those stereotypes that just happens to be true. The problem with America is that it was settled by puritans. They also came up here and settled in Ontario, which is why we have Doug Ford, and no strip clubs in Toronto anymore (or maybe, five, not counting FLASH) and why we have the very anal Ontario Arts Council and all these horrible rich people running in and out of their condos while the poor defecate on the streets.
INT. Aren't you being a little hard on Americans?
SKY. No. Puritans were the outcasts of British society in the 1500s -- yes they ran the place for a while and got rid of theatre (puritans are running Toronto theatre again now) -- that's why so many of them took their hair shirts with them and escaped to the future states of Virginia and Massachusetts. Americans are certifiably nuts. Have you watched what’s going on down there? It’s the fall. It’s the end of America. Which is probably a good thing.
INT. Well Sky we don’t have time to talk about the fall of America. I’m afraid your time is up.
SKY. Oh, are you my therapist? Or are you, perhaps, an Ontario Arts council grants advisor in disguise?
INT. I hope not.
SKY. I hope not too. I have a therapist, and contrary to what my partner thinks, she’s doing a great job.
INT. I think we’ll leave it there for now. Thanks Sky.
SKY. You are eternally welcome!